Dating
Introducing Male Counterpart 2.0
Now with Partner OS: listens first, Loyalty Protocol on by default, Adventure and Acts-of-Service packs pre-installed.
Okay, jokes aside. I’m looking for something serious, the kind of relationship that’s actually going somewhere. Dating apps give you about 500 characters to explain who you are, which has never felt like enough, so I made this page instead. Read as much or as little of it as you want.
What I’m looking for
The simplest way I can put it is that I want my best friend, in girlfriend form. Someone who…
- is silly most of the time but knows when something matters, and can switch without it being a whole thing.
- wants to build stuff with me. A garden, a pillow fort, eventually a life. I don’t care much what, I just like making things with people I love.
- sends memes. I’m only half kidding. It’s how I say “thought of you” at two in the afternoon on a Tuesday.
- cares about honesty and loyalty the way I do. I’m not into hookup culture and I’d rather you weren’t either.
- wants to cook together. I’ll happily do the dishes after, I really don’t mind them.
- likes a big, loud family holiday. Christmas is my favorite and I’ve always wanted to start a gratitude tradition of our own.
I can fix just about anything, so if you’re looking for someone to support you through the apocalypse, I’ve got you covered.
Physical
Mostly I just kept showing up. Working out is a regular thing now, but it took a while before it felt like part of my week instead of a chore. Most of my recharging happens outside anyway: hikes, long bike rides, swimming when I can get to water. A hot tub at the end of a hard day is about as good as it gets for me. Yoga is the next thing I want to try. I keep saying that.
My hands learned on whatever broke. A phone, a lamp, a chair. At some point fixing things turned into building things and I ended up with a home woodshop. Same story with cooking. And somewhere in there I started to actually enjoy chores, which surprised me more than anyone.
Mental
I read a chapter or two every day, and I have for years. That plus a stretch studying data science at UVU is probably why I see everything as a system. Factorio, chess, the server rack in my house, they’re all the same hobby to me, just in different boxes.
The part I’m still working on is harder to admit. I like direct communication, I want people to just say the thing, and at the same time I really struggle with confrontation. So for a long time I’d avoid conflict and let stuff sit. I’ve gotten better at bringing it up sooner. With a partner I’d want some kind of agreed signal, a “serious mode,” so either of us can say this one matters and the other knows to drop the jokes.
Spiritual
I was raised in the church, my family’s been in it for generations, but it didn’t feel like mine until my mission in Idaho Falls. Something shifted out there and I came home actually believing it instead of just going along with it.
Here’s where I’m at now, honestly. Sunday meetings aren’t where I feel the spirit most easily. The people are. The ward, the community, showing up for each other, that part I love. I’m not going to tell you I’m there every single week because I’m not, and I’d rather you hear that from me now. What I want at home is daily prayer together and family home evening on Sundays, with someone who wants to grow in it with me instead of one of us dragging the other.
FAQ
What does a first date with you look like?
Something where we can actually talk. A walk, a picnic by a river, or I cook and you tell me how I did. I’d rather spend an hour finding out how you think than sit next to you in the dark for two. The movie can be date two.
How do you communicate?
I like it direct. Say the thing and I’ll say mine. The awkward part is that I also have a hard time with confrontation, so I’m the guy who wants directness and then needs a minute to work up to it. I’m an introvert and I process before I talk. In between there will be memes. I’m working on bringing the hard stuff up sooner instead of letting it sit, and I’m better at it than I was. One more thing, since it always comes up: I don’t keep close one-on-one friendships with women, and I’d hope for the same from you. Group friends are great, that’s different.
Where do you see yourself in five years?
On some land somewhere rural and mountainous, with a garden, a few animals, and a small town close enough for groceries. Close enough to family that Sunday dinner is still a thing, too. By then I want to be running my own IT consulting firm, which is a plan I’m working toward, not a someday. I don’t see myself ever fully retiring, I like the work too much. There are a few big trips I still mean to take, and I’d rather take them with someone. Mostly, I’d like to not be out there by myself.
Kids?
Honestly fine anywhere from none to three. I don’t want to walk in with a number already decided, that feels like something we figure out together. Adoption and fostering aren’t for me. If kids do happen I picture some kind of hybrid schooling, me being a bit stricter than average, and also being their bro.
Money?
Pretty boring, on purpose. I budget every month, keep debt close to zero, save at least ten percent, and the unglamorous stuff is handled: emergency fund, life insurance, a will. I’d rather have a house we can afford and the freedom that comes with it than a mortgage that runs our lives. I’d want us to run the finances together, out in the open, nothing hidden on either side.
Politics?
Moderate, independent. I care more about what we’d actually do about a problem than which side we’re supposed to be on.
What’s a hard no?
Cheating. Smoking. Passive aggression, which honestly might be the worst of the three for me. If something’s wrong I just want to hear it.
Pets?
One cat. It sleeps on the bed. We disagreed about that early on and the cat won, so now it’s just how things are.
Ideal Saturday?
Cold and cloudy, rain if I’m lucky. Workout in the morning, a few hours in the shop on whatever I’m building, cook something real for dinner, read a chapter, fall asleep to rain sounds. If you’re around for any part of that, even better.
What would you cook me?
Charcuterie, if I’m being honest, with a botanical soda I brewed myself. I’m not above cheese and cured meat on a board for dinner. If you want an actual meal we make it together and I’ll clean up.
A hill you’d die on?
Star Trek and Star Wars are both good and you shouldn’t have to pick. Also Lord of the Rings is a comfort watch, not a commitment, I don’t care how long it is.
Favorite rabbit holes?
Modded Minecraft, Factorio, RimWorld, Stardew, Zelda, and a D&D campaign whenever I can get one together. Anime, pretty much all of it, Ghibli especially. Woodworking videos at midnight. And whatever broke this week, because I will take it apart to find out why.
Dark humor?
Mostly yes, I can laugh at a lot. There are a few things I won’t joke about: divorce, cheating, rape, torture, anything with animals getting hurt. Everything else is fair game.
Hidden talent?
Being the family repair guy. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, they all call me when something breaks. I also once brought a 22-foot Christmas tree home in the bed of a Tacoma. The truck was fine. The neighbors had questions.
Gallery
If you found this through an app, message me there and tell me what stuck out to you. There’s no email or phone on here on purpose. But I do read everything, and if any of this sounded like you, I’d like to hear from you.